Category Archives: Rex’s Top 5

“Top Five Pinay/Pinoy reactions to a cold or flu” (by Christine Marasigan of Kodiak Island, Alaska) (April 30, 2001)

5.  Work.  Just keep working, both jobs if necessary. Pretend you aren’t sick and go to all staff meetings. 4.  Mother or Father keeps saying, “hmmm? That’s what you get for always going out gallivanting.” 3.  Lola or Lolo want to rub your back with Vics menthol ointment and call in the curandero* who lives […]

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“Top Five Signs Your Pinoy Friends Smoke Too Much Weed” (April 3, 2001)

5. They start speaking fluently in Visayan, yet they were raised with Ilocano. 4. After taking their wallets, you get them to surrender their check card PIN codes to withdraw cash from their ATM accounts to pay them back for the cash you owed them a week ago and they say to you, …

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“Top Five Worst Things that Can Happen to You While on Stage” (March 4, 2001)

5. An ambassador’s wife might hurl a dinner role at you for a bad ERAP joke. 4. You might lay a fat-ass silent fart that starts making the audience in the front row laugh and gag at the wrong moments. 3. The lights and sound go out because of rolling black-outs and then …

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“Top Five Reasons CBS Won’t Allow a 3rd World Contestant on “Survivor” (February 23, 2001)

5. Eating anything that moves won’t be a problem. Not cooking it first will be. 4. He might win, because he’s been eating. 3. He might actually makes white boys speechless with his extensive knowledge of living off the land. As we all know, a speechless white boy is bad for ratings. 2. He …

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“Top Five Ways to Slim Down a Husky Boy” (February 11, 2001)

5. Pat him down for candy, lychee cups and cigarettes and take them away from him. 4. Tell him that someone stole the electrical cord to the rice cooker, so now he has to eat bagoong* and Skyflakes cracker sandwiches. 3. Have the local Krispy Kreme shop post a picture of him in …

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“Top Five Flip Indie-Films that Didn’t Make it to the 2001 Sundance FilmFestival” (1/31/01)

5. “Barrel-Man Meets Godzilla 2000” 4. “Crouching Erap, Hidden Hamster!”…wow,sakit yan! 3. Tito Boy in the Roman bomba film epic,”Glad He Ate Her”. 2. “Me, Myself and Maritess” 1. “Tita Nic”

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“Top Five New Jobs Awaiting Ousted President, Joseph Estrada” (January 21, 2000)

5. A role in the next Star Wars movie as Jabba the Hutt, the early years. Needs no makeup. 4. A Mexican taquerias food critic for LA County, where all he would have to do is find exceptional late night taco stands for Rex and his buddies after watching too much descrambled …

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