Category Archives: Rex’s Top 5
“Top Five Things I’m Thankful for in the Year 2000″ (January 3, 2000)
5. I am thankful that my reconfigured DVD player that plays all regions and can make clean dubs to VHS for friends, kept me under budget for Xmas gifts this year. 4. I am thankful for turning 31 which is just a number and meeting women under 25 who think that me being ...
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“Top Five Reasons Why Santa Claus Ain’t From the Philippines” (December 21, 2000)
5. He would have a tough time having his sled get off the ground being pulled by water buffalos. Rudolf the Red Nose Karabaw's nose is red because it's made of a Queso de Bola! 4. If the elves were Filipino too, Santa's toy factory would be closed down immediately by Amnesty ...
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“Top Five Worst Filipino Christmas Gift Ideas” (December 12, 2000)
5. Another pair of Chinatown tsinelas (slippers) where each one is a different size and worse, your Tita tells you it's the same one Bruce Lee wore. Yeah right, if his right foot was bigger than his left one. 4. A large box of CostCo toilet paper for your house. Now what ...
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“Top Five Signs You’ve Become a Pinoy Sell-Out” (December 3, 2000)
5. You've married a white dude, not for love, then divorced him just to keep his last name. So you're now known as Aurelia Maria Consuela Macabenta Smith. 4. When someone asks you "Hey, what are you?", you reply with "I'm part Spanish, Portuguese, Chinese, Arab, Italian, Hawaiian, Iguana, Horseshoe Crab, ...
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“Top Five Signs that a Filipino Prepared the Thanksgiving Turkey” (November 22, 2000)
5. It was deep fried...whole, except for the head (you gotta hold it somehow). 4. When the recipe called for "stuffing the turkey", he made the turkey eat a lot of bread and raisins before punching it to death. 3. It was stuffed with illegal "hueteng" tickets that Philippine President Joseph Estrada ...
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“Top Five Differences Between Presidential Ballots and *Baluts” (November 14, 2000)
5. Baluts have a lot of protein, yet ballots have a lot of fiber. 4. If you tell the Fil-Ams in Palm Beach Florida to come back to re-do their ballots, they might be pissed to find something else . 3. If Gore were a balut, we would suck him for the soup. If Bush [...]
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“Top Five Reasons We Filipinos Should Be Fortunate to Vote” (November 7, 2000)
5. Back home on the islands, some folks actually die in the hundreds for the right to vote. 4. Filipinos were the first Asians to defeat a large imperial power and create a truly democratic government only to lose it once more to another imperial power. Read your books. 3. Voting creates a sense of [...]
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“Top Five Popular Authentic Filipino Names Given to Children” (November 2, 2000)
5. "Lakas", which means strength. 4. "Amihan", which means eastern wind. 3. "Bong Bong", which means two marijuana smoking devices. Das bad por you. 2. "Hoooy!", which lovingly means..."What the fu%k's wrong with you!?" 1. "Sssshhhht!", which translates to..."Made you look again".
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“Top Five New Yorker Flip Character Traits” (October 26, 2000)
5. If your family's from Batangas Province, you'll most likely be heard saying, "Freakin' Eh, Pala Eh!" 4. One will never find a Manhattan alley that smells worse than the "Smoky Mountain" dump back in Manila. We're number one! 3. Many of them actually live in Jersey City, like when one says ...
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“Top Five New Jobs Awaiting Ousted President, Joseph Estrada” (January 21, 2000)