5. There’s never a Weight Watchers recipe for any of it, imagine “Pork Adobo Light with now only HALF the chest pains!”…husky and sexy forever then!

4. Because hungry Pilipinos in the Philippines probably need it more than you do here. Air cargo an entire meal to the province through SBC Packers!

3. You’ll look like the President of the Philippines, Joseph “Erap” Estrada, who is personally responsible for the disappearances of entire hog farms. Even Muslims there can’t be around him with all the pork rind crumbs on his shirt.

2. You’re still trying to finish off the other Pilipino food you were forced to “take home” from that baptism, shower, despedida thingy from two weeks ago. The pansit is becoming penicillin.

1. If you don’t eat your bowl of dinaguan (porkblood stew) within the day it was made, it turns into a big black blood clot. “Mmmmm…..pudding!”