5. A role in the next Star Wars movie as Jabba the Hutt, the early years. Needs no makeup.

4. A Mexican taquerias food critic for LA County, where all he would have to do is find exceptional late night taco stands for Rex and his buddies after watching too much descrambled satellite tv at Moonie’s house. He would be lovingly known as “Nuestra Puta”.

3. He could be hired as a US Postal Service mail carrier wearing nothing but his bag on his daily routes, nothing but the bag.

2. He could be the guy who turns over the donuts in frying oil at Krispy Kreme in Union City. Filipinos would line up by the hundreds every morning, not to buy donuts, but to drop their pants and “moon” him for the shitty mess he caused at his last job.

1. Erap’s mouth, known for its inability to stay shut when it should, will be employed by Satan to become the receptacle for the enormous chunks of demonic craps for eternity.