5. An ambassador’s wife might hurl a dinner role at you for a bad ERAP joke.

4. You might lay a fat-ass silent fart that starts making the audience in the front row laugh and gag at the wrong moments.

3. The lights and sound go out because of rolling black-outs and then an earthquake happens…all this because you live in California.

2. The combo plate you ordered at Mameng’s Manila Mirienda Hut is kicking in and you go into a food coma.

1. US Navy personnel and their new Philippine wives find your Pinoy material offensive and leave right away. Maybe that ain’t so bad actually.